Simon and Garfunkel’s Bridge Over Troubled Waters is one of my all time favorite songs and in particular I love this version from their 1981 concert on the Great Lawn of Central Park in New York City. The imagery of a bridge over troubled water (picture raging rapids) as an allegory for being there to support another through a hardship captures the ideals of love and compassion perfectly.
Below is a video of Art Garfunkel signing Bridge Over Troubled Water, which Paul Simon wrote, during the 1981 Central Park concert followed by the lyrics. Before watching I just want to make two points about how to think of this song which can, hopefully, deepen its impression:
- First, the song is clearly about supporting and comforting another person when they’re going through a particularly difficult period, however I want to suggest that we should keep this desire to be compassionate alive to help in even “smaller” difficulties another may have. These are much more common. So a gentle hug, a supportive word or a little surprise could serve as a bridge over say, a babbling brook.
- Second, again the song is about you being there for another but it can also be interpreted as the divine - God, the soul, spirit - being there for you when you are going through a tough time. The soul is always there for you. You continually have at your disposal the divine’s wellspring of love, compassion, wisdom and serenity. This is the true bridge to the eternal.
Lyrics to Bridge Over Troubled Water:
When you’re weary, feelin’ small
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all.
I’m on your side, Oh, when times get rough
And friends just can’t be found.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
When you’re down and out, when you’re on the street
When evening falls so hard, I will comfort you.
I’ll take your part, Oh when darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Sail on silvergirl, sail on by
Your time has come to shine, and all your dreams are on their way
See how they shine, Oh if you need a friend
I’m sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water,
I will ease your mind.
Marty Nemko, a career coach, author and radio talk-show host in the San Francisco area, who has very practical career and educational advice that I highly recommend, wrote a very personal article titled “What the Hell is the Meaning of Life”. This article is the sixth (here is the first) of a seven part series in response to Marty’s question. In this article I’ll address relationships from a spiritual perspective.
Marty wrote,
“Many people find the meaning of life through relationships. While I have a decent marriage, I’m not sure the meaning of life, at least for me, fully resides there. And my only child, who is an ardent employee of The Diversity Industry, refuses to talk to me, in large measure because of my views on reverse discrimination. So, I won’t, as so many parents do, find life’s meaning through his children.”
Relationships, like work, are another prime way for us to express our inner divinity and are therefore a major part of the meaning of life. From a limited perspective, relationships are seen as self-serving leading one to ask, “what am I getting out of this relationship?”, “how is it benefiting me?”. Further these people feel that if they are not “getting anything” out of the relationship that it’s always the other person’s fault due to what they are or aren’t doing. From a broader perspective, relationships are opportunities for us to be “other focused”. They are ways for us to contribute to each other’s growth and express peace, goodwill, love and wisdom. Each of us are part of the body of humanity and we are all connected at the spiritual level. We should identifying with this connection and treat other with the respect and compassion due children of God.
When relationships hit a “rocky road”, a higher perspective is truly needed. For example, regarding your specific issue with your daughter, if your problem really is about your views on reverse discrimination I would suggest that you ease up on this issue with her. Assuming you’re right, and I think you are as discussed in Part 5, look at this from a higher perspective and realize that it will all work out in the end. It’s all a part of a divine plan that will work out as it always has and always will. Whatever is, is right. I’m not suggesting that you stop trying to correct this “diversity problem” through your work, I’m just suggesting that you don’t have to convert your daughter or anyone of your personal relationships. But if you’re already following this advise, you’re not trying to convert her, and she’s putting up the resistance because you address this issue in your work, realize that she’s an adult who’s learning and growing. As much as you may want to simply impart your wisdom on her to ease her path through life, the enlightened approach is to allow her to realize lessons on her own. These are the types of lessons that last and deeply enrich a person. Finally, if you can’t reconcile, know that there’s no spiritual requirement that a parent-child relationship stay intact physically, but the emotional, mental and spiritual bonds can never be broken.
Next is the issue of religious faith but more particularly the question of how can an all-powerful, all-loving , all-knowing God allow evil and all the tragedies of our lives to occur? Marty wrote,
“Many other people find the meaning of life in religious faith. But I can’t find meaning in a God that would, for example, allow thousands of babies to be born every year with horrifically painful diseases and then die months later leaving bereft parents.”
This is what I call the “Ultimate Spiritual Hang Up” and it’s so common a belief that I’ve addressed it more thoroughly in a separate article called, The Ultimate Spiritual Hang Up”.
Next time – the conclusion to Marty’s question “What the hell’s the meaning of life?”
Valentines Day is an appropriate time to consider the meaning of love. What is love? How do I know if I’m in love? Are there different types of love? These questions can be addressed by exploring the differences between false love and true love.
False Love and True Love
False love is self-centered and the primary concern is “what’s in it for me?” It seeks to possess a person because he or she will provide security, pleasure, prestige, status or money. False love is indifferent to the growth of a relationship and instead simply reacts to the events, situations, nuances and issues in a relationship in a way that is self-serving. False love is solely based on feelings and emotions, which are inherently unstable, and the relationship, and the qualities of it, are evaluated simply on whether it is liked or disliked.
In contrast, true love is other-centered and the primary concern is “how can I support you?” True love is devoid of any sense of possessiveness, rather there is a “letting go” that allows the other a freedom to be the best they can be. Coupled with this is a true desire to see the other person grow, mature and accomplish, which in turn provides deep pleasure. True love actively looks for ways to improve a relationship including by bettering himself/herself and learning how to be more loving, mature and kind. True love is expressed through the emotions but has a foundation at the mental level through mutual values and a deep respect. The relationship is evaluated by a deep understanding of the shared values and goals.
Divine Love
These descriptions of false love and true love apply to romantic relationships but can you see how they also reflect the perspective of the “lower” self and “higher” self, respectively? The lower self is the human ego that is immature, petty and self-centered. The higher self is the divine being that is so “other-centered” that it invested itself into creating and sustaining a life on earth (that’s you) so it could express God’s Noble Ideals through it. This true self expresses true love. God is love and God immanent in you, the soul, is also love. As you read the following familiar passage from Paul, think of it as how you should love another but also think of it in a new way by substituting the word love with soul and realize that this is how you are loved by your soul.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)
Similarly, read the following love poem titled “The Passionate Shepherd to His Love” written by Christopher Marlowe, the 16th century, English dramatist and poet, with both a romantic perspective and a divine (i.e. spirit to flesh, God to humanity) perspective. A young lover wants the best for his beloved, just so, your immanent, divine, true self wants the best for you. Also note that the shepherd symbolizes the soul and the sheep symbolizes the personality or lower, human self. The shepherd guides and loves the sheep and the sheep are suppose to be responsive to the shepherd, not the other way around. (Read the poem a few times, aloud also, and here are the definitions of some of the words that I didn’t know; madrigals - short pastoral or love poems suitable for singing, kirtle - a long gown or skirt worn by women, myrtle - a commonly cultivated evergreen bush with blue-black fruit and swains - young men who live in the country.)
The Passionate Shepherd to His Love
Christopher Marlowe
Come live with me and be my Love,
And we will all the pleasures prove
That hills and valleys, dale and field,
And all the craggy mountains yield.
There will we sit upon the rocks
And see the shepherds feed their flocks,
By shallow rivers, to whose falls
Melodious birds sing madrigals.
There will I make thee beds of roses
And a thousand fragrant posies,
A cap of flowers, and a kirtle
Embroider’d all with leaves of myrtle.
A gown made of the finest wool
Which from our pretty lambs we pull,
Fair linèd slippers for the cold,
With buckles of the purest gold.
A belt of straw and ivy buds
With coral clasps and amber studs:
And if these pleasures may thee move,
Come live with me and be my Love.
Thy silver dishes for thy meat
As precious as the gods do eat,
Shall on an ivory table be
Prepared each day for thee and me.
The shepherd swains shall dance and sing
For thy delight each May-morning:
If these delights thy mind may move,
Then live with me and be my Love.
